Took Harper to buy her first Christmas tree today. There were a lot of cut-your-own places that had organic trees grown with no pesticides or chemicals. Places that made the whole thing an experience and a journey. Well fuck that, our daughter is five months old. She would gain no benefit from having an experience so we went to Stew Leonard’s.
The deal is that you pick your tree and pay for it while they wrap it up. You pull the car around to a station where they tie it to the roof of your car. The line to pick up trees was super long so I feigned ignorance and drove into the exit lane against traffic. A bunch of guys yelled and a few cars had to pull off the road to let me in. At the first open bay I turned the truck around, pulled into the spot, handed the guy a twenty and my receipt and told him to make sure he tied it tight. My wife, realizing what I had just done, cackled and exclaimed “That’s how you cut a line, bitches!” Of course the windows were down (so the guy could run the twine to tie the tree to the roof). So we got seriously nasty looks from a bunch of families which just made me laugh even harder.
Wife: That fucking show is still on?
Me: It’s Rudolph you dick.