A Scouting Life

americanapparel: Katz’s Characters. Spring, 2013. Lower East...

Tue, 21 May 2013 14:05:18 -0400

Katz’s Characters. Spring, 2013. Lower East Side, NYC.

Ate there yesterday. Yum.

Fred Armisen is exactly the opposite of punk

Mon, 20 May 2013 08:48:32 -0400

The final sketch on SNL this week was Fred Armisen’s goodbye to the show, playing a song as his Ian Rubbish character. He originated the character earlier as a slightly funny but largely self-indulgent singer in the “History of Punk Rock” sketch. It was mildly amusing at best the first time; seeing him reprise it made me want to puke. What an egotistical jackass the guy is.

Even worse, he dragged out underground music luminaries like Steve Jones, Kim Gordon and J. Mascis to join in stroking him off onstage. How embarrassing for them. Bringing them out was his way of name dropping taken to the extreme. The sketch wasn’t funny and the song wasn’t particularly good. J. Mascis did contribute a nice solo but everyone else was just strumming as Armisen stood in front of them basking in the attention. And having Kim Gordon do no more than shake a tambourine? Just pathetic.

This whole shitshow was exactly the opposite of what punk means. The tone deaf nature of it’s failure is pointed out even more by the excellent, truly original and dangerous performance delivered by Kanye earlier in the show. Stop gazing at your navel long enough to watch some real talent push the boundaries, Fred. Good riddance. You were never that funny and have a limited range. I’m sure your fellow cast members are ecstatic that your ego is leaving the show, you self-absorbed piece of shit.

So THIS is the ad I get when I search for instructions on how to...

Sat, 18 May 2013 18:12:45 -0400

So THIS is the ad I get when I search for instructions on how to assemble a kids portable crib?

I do enjoy the work

Sat, 18 May 2013 00:27:00 -0400

Just received an email from a guy named Henry. My initial reaction was that I don’t know anyone named Henry. Who the fuck is Henry? So I read it and quickly remembered who Henry is. He works for the PR firm that represents several mobbed up scrap yards on Long Island. Henry is the point man that several discreet phone calls steered me to.

A few jobs ago I had reached out to a dozen scrap yards to scout them as possible filming locations. Eleven immediately invited me in, but the big conglomerate that had consolidated several local small yards was suspiciously slow to grant access. I dropped their name in conversation with some of the smaller companies and got the quick brush-off but noted the shade that was thrown my way when I dropped the name. Being the inquisitive type I did some research and quickly learned that they were the front company that organized crime had set up to tax the rest of the industry.

Henry had put me through the paces and thoroughly checked me out. In time he discovered that we had mutual acquaintances who would vouch for me, and he reached out to let me know that I was “okay”. Of course, by the time he verified my credentials I had long ago scouted a non-mobbed up location that worked for the filmmakers and I was a few jobs removed from the initial request.

Yet several things about the experience tickled me. Like the fact that the mob is about as efficient as government bureaucracy. These humps took forever to check me out. Also, the fact that I can be vetted and approved in those circles. I like knowing people. The thought that this is the way I make a living, and I can be a filmmaker yet still be so immersed in the real world. The whole thing can be a lot of fun some days.

bendawson: If I win Powerball, I’m hiring LCD Soundsystem to play “Daft Punk is Playing At My...

Fri, 17 May 2013 18:33:09 -0400

bendawson:

If I win Powerball, I’m hiring LCD Soundsystem to play “Daft Punk is Playing At My House.” And I’ll also hire Daft Punk to play at my house.

If I win powerball I’ll devote my time and money to vanquishing my enemies. I have a list.

Pregnancy just gets better every day

Thu, 16 May 2013 21:20:53 -0400

Wife: Oh God, I’m so uncomfortable

Me: What is it baby, what can I do? Does your tummy hurt? You want something to eat? Something to drink? You want a back rub? A foot massage? Are you having braxton-hix? Let me get you a glass of water. Or a smoothie. You want a hot water bottle or an ice pack? Please tell me babydoll, what can I do to make you comfortable right now?

Wife: If you really want to make me happy you’ll shut the fuck up.

illustratedexample replied to your link: Wouldn’t most of Bravo’s crew be non Local too while Treme probably does a decent amount of local hiring.

Thu, 16 May 2013 10:33:17 -0400

Typically, yes, Bravo’s crew will almost exclusively be brought in aside from a few P.A. jobs. Feature films bring in a substantial outside crew as well, but only after doing their best to hire locally. Further, TV series and feature films are significant enough enterprises that they become training grounds for local crew members. The industry’s success in the area has created an increasingly deep local crew base, and trust me they are well-paying jobs.

Oh yeah, Top Chef is mostly non-union.

Fuck Bravo and Fuck Andy Cohen

Thu, 16 May 2013 10:17:00 -0400

Fuck Bravo and Fuck Andy Cohen:

I had previously heard that Top Chef would be filming in New Orleans. What a great, and overdue idea that is. My enthusiasm for the coming season was dampened slightly by the discovery that they were going there largely on the basis of a $200,000 payout from the BP funded Deepwater Horizon recovery fund. While they are within their rights to do so it felt a bit unseemly to me.

The arguments for or against this are nuanced. The purpose of the fund is indeed to promote tourism in Louisiana, and the food scene is a large part of what draws visitors to New Orleans. Cohen’s decision (and make no mistake, it was his decision, directly) falls within the letter of the law but jusssst a bit outside the spirit of it. The exposure will certainly be helpful to the area, there is no denying that. However Bravo is there for the profit and nothing else. Any discomfort caused by the concept could have been mitigated by a bit of charity on their part.

When called out on this by @Bourdain, Cohen went on the attack, attempting to characterize the show “Treme’s” use of the film tax incentive as being the same thing. Well it is not. Not by a long shot. Treme, and many other productions, have taken advantage of tax credits set up by the state to attract movie and tv production. This state-funded incentive has been massively successful. It has created thousands of jobs in a non-polluting industry that simultaneously promotes the region. It is an economic multiplier.

Compare your average feature film to the Top Chef Production. The film will employ a couple hundred people for three to six months and spend between 10-15 million dollars directly. Add in the taxes paid and the secondary expenditures by the cast and crew spending their wages locally and it is a clear net gain for the region. Carpetbagger Cohen and his production, on the other hand, hire a crew of about two dozen and crank out a season in three weeks. It is a clear net loss to the region financially.

Further, the Producers of Treme worked vigorously with local charities during their production of the show. All in they raised half a million dollars for good causes. So fuck you, Cohen. Fuck you for taking advantage and fuck you for your smarmy, dishonest response. I see you riding your bike around downtown Manhattan pretty frequently. The next time you blow a red light and pedal in front of my car (you’ve done it twice now) I just might not see your preening ass in time to hit the brakes. Maybe you aren’t the only one with a large blind spot. Asshole.

Photo

Wed, 15 May 2013 20:26:03 -0400

I love him too much

Wed, 15 May 2013 19:40:49 -0400

I love him too much

Pregnancy just gets better every day

Tue, 14 May 2013 21:06:00 -0400

Wife: What do we have to eat?

Me: I can make you pork chops, poached or roasted chicken breasts, chicken fingers, roast beef, ham, broccoli, fanook, green beans, peas, corn, baked zucchini, ravioli, manicotti or tortellini if you want stuffed pasta, linguine, farfalle, angel hair or penne with either marinara, putanesca, wine and lemon or butter and cheese sauce. Mac and cheese, rice pilaf, some of that awful instant stuffing you like, we have pasta salad with fresh tomatoes and mozz, fresh mozz, mozzarella sticks. Cheddar, American, Swiss or goat cheeses. I can make you a grilled cheese or peanut butter and jelly sandwich or peanut butter crackers. We have hard pretzels, soft pretzels, potato chips, tortilla chips and salsa. I can make you a hamburger or a hot dog, a bowl of cereal, pancakes or waffles.

Wife: So we have nothing I want to eat.

Moe and I have been hiking Spuyten Duyvil Park lately. If you...

Tue, 14 May 2013 14:30:47 -0400

Moe and I have been hiking Spuyten Duyvil Park lately. If you don’t mind a small fence and a couple sets of railroad tracks you get a nice walk on the banks where the Hudson and Harlem Rivers meet.

Bothers me, though, that every time I hit the trailhead this asshole is sitting there in his car, engine running, chain smoking and tossing the butts out the window. I see him there at all different times of the day, every time I have been there. Not sure what his deal is but if this keeps up someone’s going to anonymously call in and report a suspicious character who may be dealing drugs out of his ride.

Blessings

Sun, 12 May 2013 23:10:33 -0400

We hosted the family’s annual Mother’s Day Brunch for the first time this year. I was pretty jacked up to do it. I spent the better part of my adult life being a no-accout scoundrel and enjoying every decadent moment. It’s so nice to be a man now and have a place where we can, and want to, entertain. I got a little obsessive about it this week. Bought my fresh meats, cheeses and veggies at the markets on Arthur Avenue, but I also hit Fairway, Whole Foods and Stew Leonard’s. You’d be hard pressed to procure higher quality ingredients than what I got and obsessing any more over a menu could get you committed.

The in-laws are Italian-American. There are a lot of strong women in my wife’s family, which explains why she can be so tough. It’s cool, because that’s the woman I needed. We had her mom, grandmother, aunt, cousin who is like an aunt, and uncle’s wife who is very close. These are modern women in many ways; Grandma excepted they all hold jobs and are well capable of supporting themselves. And Grandma is 93 and still a total ass-kicker. That being said, they don’t want to see a man in the kitchen. There are certain traditions they have a hard time leaving behind. That first year when I walked into Grandma’s kitchen and asked her if she needed a hand with anything, well…have you ever heard a Sicilian woman curse your soul to eternal damnation? I have. You wouldn’t like it.

One of the cousins married a Tunisian fellow who was raised in Marseilles. Stefan is a chef of some renown and also a really cool guy. Chances are you’ve seen him on television. He runs a successful bistro on City Island now but made his bones at Del Posto and a few Parisian restaurants whose names I have forgotten. He opened the door for men cooking in the family and I was the beneficiary of his labors when I was allowed to prepare the brunch today. I felt like Larry Doby, the second man into the fray. It was so important to me that everyone was well-fed. Also, with so many assertive women there were a lot of very specific demands and restrictions on the menu.

Long story short, I crushed it. Absolutely nailed the bitch and got high fives when I took the victory lap. The quiche was a huge hit, the only critique being a desire for more veggies. No problem there, I held back for fear of overpowering them with the fresh green tastes of spring. Salads were very tasty, fruits were fresh and juicy, olives and pickles salty and crisp. The beef and turkey breast were roast to a medium rare, moist perfection. My Father-in-law brought over his meat slicer so we could shave them and the Smithfield ham razor thin. Yes, my Father-in-law has a high powered meat slicer. Heh.

I was so very proud that my cooking was that well received. It meant the world to me. Still, in retrospect that was the least part of today. My Father-in-law and Brother-in-law put together the crib and Baby H’s dresser. The dresser was Ikea so there were a few hundred pieces involved. If it were left to me I would have completed that dresser as a college graduation present for Baby H. They also cut some plexiglass to size, drilled holes and lashed it to the railings on the terrace to make it safe for Moe and Baby H. The women arrived burdened with bags of clothes, blankets, diapers, shoes and everything else for the baby. They also brought food and booze. And love. Nothing but love. There is no greater blessing than to spend time with an extended, close family. My God am I a lucky man. Luckier than I deserve to be. This is so nice.

Goodnight Hudson River.

Sun, 12 May 2013 22:01:38 -0400

Goodnight Hudson River.

Ready for company.

Sun, 12 May 2013 14:01:23 -0400

Ready for company.

cwj: I’ve been playing GeoGuessr, and I’ve been doing ok, I...

Sat, 11 May 2013 22:44:00 -0400

cwj:

I’ve been playing GeoGuessr, and I’ve been doing ok, I think. I’ve come just shy of 20,000 points a few times now (with NO additional research in adjacent browser tabs). I can get a pretty good bead on a location if the program puts me in an area with some signage. It’s much harder when I get put on some goat path in Manitoba.

But then the damn game really tried to throw me by putting me in the freakin’ ocean. Lucky for me that I’m well versed in aquatic biology. I was able to identify the coral species in in this photo as loquatius anus, which is native only to the reef surrounding tiny Wilson Island off the coast of Queensland, Australia.

So I got to stick it to GeoGuessr on that one.

Okay, I’m sorry, but fuck you. I have always considered myself fairly intelligent. My knowledge is much more geared towards the Humanities, but I’m no slouch in general. Then it turns out my pal is able to identify the species of coral in a photo as exclusively native to a small island off Australia? Fuck you. Fuck you you fucking fuck. That’s just playing the game on a different level.

EDIT: Loquatius Anus? Well played, Chris. Well played indeed.

venetianblinds: I don’t really understand why rich New Yorkers...

Sat, 11 May 2013 14:03:02 -0400

venetianblinds:

I don’t really understand why rich New Yorkers are all up in arms about public bikes “taking up their parking space,” I’m more concerned about how godawfully heinous they look.

This was the best design they could come up with for the bike sharing system.

Just, wow.

Rode those bikes when I was in Boston. They are heavy, awkward and hard to maneuver, and too small for a strapping 6’1” lad like myself. Like the idea of readily available bikes but would greatly prefer they be something I could actually ride comfortably.

Asparagus, spring garlic and chive quiche

Sat, 11 May 2013 13:34:00 -0400

Asparagus, spring garlic and chive quiche

Guns and My Mother

Fri, 10 May 2013 10:20:02 -0400

Guns and My Mother:

Anyone who wants to discuss gun laws should be required to read this first.

Fighting for stronger gun laws has long been gruelling and slow. In my years on the job, we tried everything. I gave the project everything I had. Except one thing. I never told anyone how my own life was changed by a gun.

Photo

Fri, 10 May 2013 09:40:21 -0400